Beanin’, Thievin’ and Friskin’ at McAsh’s Fourth - 10:01 pm - 30-12-2005

29th of December 2005

The Beginning

Myself, Tash, Hai Lin, [Oscar], [Pete], Lauren, Seth and [Glyn] had set everything up.

Most people had arrived by 8 and it was going ok. It was a bit crowded but if moving wasn’t your thing it was generally a pretty good party.

Costumes

The party was fancy dress with the theme of Youth Culture. A lot of people didn’t bother but many other did. Some especially memorable ones are as follows:

Travis and Lauren: Gangster and his bitch
Simon, Kate, Ellerby, [Glyn]: Punk
[Pete]: White Rasta
Seth: Jordan
Jordan: Martin
Martin: Martin
Olly Bradley: Geek

Unexpected Visitors

Sarah then came and told me that Burger was outside. He asked if he could come in with his mate Scott and Claire Tomlinson, Beth Copping and Sophie Green from my year. I agreed and they piled in.

It wasn’t long before I realised that Aaron Warner, Aaron Large (I think that’s his name) and Ben Turner had arrived. I was assured by Burger that they were safe so I let them stay. Then Jamie, Matt Rutherford and his cronies appeared. I kicked them out with the help of Burger.

The Missing iPod

Minutes afterwards a very distressed Teresa ran up to me tears streaming from her eyes. Her iPod and purse had come missing. Her purse containing £50.

She rang her parents who rushed around. They talked to my mum in the study and rang the police.

The parents left and Teresa vowed to have a good party regardless.

The Pond

Tash was dared by someone (she can’t remember who) to go in the pond. She stepped in and dipped her face in.

Ben Turner said she was stupid for doing this which infuriated Tash slightly. Moments later Turner found himself in the pond. He scrambled out and filled a Carling can with pond water and poured it over her. They pushed each other for a bit before Tash left the area.

The Great Beaning

About a month ago, Teresa made out with Tom Collier. Tom’s girlfriend Sarah King found out about it and got angry. She forgave Tom but wanted vengance on Teresa. When he told her he was going to a party that Teresa was at she decided to hunt her down.

She somehow found out where I live and marched to my door and let herself in. I said “Hi” but she ignored me.

She made her way to my sister’s room where Teresa was. The angry girlfriend produced a load of curried baked beans mixed with egg and flung it at an unexpecting Teresa. Most of it missed. She then thrusted Teresa into a light before leaving.

Teresa thought the beans tasted funny and began laughing.

I can’t help but feel that it was I who lost out in that event.

The Mystery of the Phone and the Coat

Tash rushed up to me to say that she had lost her mobile. It had been in her handbag and it had gone. She rang it and her ringtone became audible. The sound was coming from a coat. The coat did not belong to Tash. Jordan took the phone from the coat and Tash threw the coat into the pool.

When I heard about this I went into the pool room to check it out. A small group of people followed me there. [Dave Legg] (being a genius) managed to get the coat out without falling in himself. We looked for a wallet or some kind of ID but there was none. Seth suggested that we carry it around asking everyone if it was theirs. We did this and found the owner:

Ben Turner. He was pissed off that his coat had been put in the pool. I explained that there had been a phone found in it and that he should leave. However before he could leave there was a ringing on my house phone.

It was someone looking for Ben Turner. I was very confused as to how this person had got my number. Eventually it turned out that he had used caller ID. Apparently Ben had used my house phone to ring his mate earlier. I didn’t remember giving permission for this but I suppose anything’s possible in this crazy world.

Dave’s iRiver

Around 12ish Dave (Perry) realised that his iRiver had gone missing. It had been seen very recently and everyone was pretty sure that no one had left recently. Therefore it must still be in the house.

He said that if anyone had it and gave it him back he wouldn’t mind. But if no one did and he found out someone stole it later he would press charges.

Brett decided to take matters into his own hands. He began frisking everyone with the help of his cousin Chris (Tommo). He frisked many people and discovered that they were carrying nothing unlawful but then he came across Aaron Warner. Aaron was carrying a coat which Chris took while Brett began to frisk him. However, before any frisking could take place Chris found my laptop in Aaron’s coat.

Aaron made a run for it but Brett got in the way of the gate. Charlotte came to tell me what had happened and I immediately told my mother and aunt. My mother went to the gate while Jill (aunt) rang the police.

Brett was doing a great job at stopping Aaron and his friends get out but they outnumbered him. My mum told Aaron that the police had been called and that he must stay and wait for them to arrive. For some reason he decided that he didn’t want to do this and tried to leave. Brett, my mother and Charlotte pinned him to the wall. Some of his friends pulled them off him while others scaled the walls.

Burger, Aaron Large, Aaron Warner and Scott all scarpered but Ben Turner decided to stay.

The Police and the Pool

The police arrived at around 0130. Everything was explained by my mother, Brett and Chris. They said that they would arrest Aaron Warner.

When the police left Charlotte decided to go in the pool to fish out some of the stuff that had got in there.

When she had reemerged, Brett, Chris, SFFI (Simon from [Fallen Idle]) and Dave (Perry) left. Everyone remaining were sleeping over. So we went upstairs.

Sleeping

I had missed a lot of the finer points of the conversations with one thing and another but I quickly caught up.

Apparently SFFI had been telling everyone (but especially Hai Lin) to suck his cock for the last three hours.

Lauren, Travis and Martin slept in my room and Sam, [Oscar], Hai Lin, Charlotte, Tash, John Gunstone and myself slept in my sister’s room. After a bit, Freya returned from Tom Collier’s house and joined us in my sister’s room.

The original sleeping arrangements had Charlotte in a makeshift bed made from two chairs, John, Tash and me in the bed, and Oscar, Sam, Freya and Hai Lin on a matress on the floor. However after some torturing tickling from John and Tash, I swapped places with Hai Lin.

I was cold all night and I kept waking up and slapping Sam round the back of the head. Gunstone was also flailing his arms and legs around and asking everyone “Where the fuck am I?” in his sleep.

Morning

When I woke up Martin Murphy had gone home. It wasn’t long before Charlotte had also gone, quickly followed by Lauren and Travis and then Freya and Sam.

My mum had already tidied up most of the downstairs with the help of Oscar which meant we didn’t have too much to do.

[Oscar], Hai and Tash had some cereal while Gunstone made himself at home helping himself to my food.

We went into the pool room to see that not everything had been retreived by Charlotte the night before. With the use of a handy net Gunstone and myself fished out two belts, two necklaces, a pair of goggles, a cigarette, two candlestick holders (one with candle) and lots of mince pies.

When Oscar, Hai Lin and Tash had left and I had made them promise to come back Gunstone and I began debeaning. We did this for about an hour before Gunstone had to leave. I did a bit more, intervalled by a visit from Kate and Pud.

Summary

Guests:

McAsh, Adam (Nicho), Amy Green, Brett, Brooke, [Callum], Charlotte, Chloe Stark, Chris (Tommo), Diego, Ed Halls, Freya, Garnett, [Glyn], Grace, Hai Lin, Heather, Jack, Jade, John Gunstone, Jordan, Kate, Lauren, [Dave Legg], Lucie Donaghy, Martin Murphy, Michaela Harris, Mikey, Ollie Bradley, Olly Priscott, [Oscar Tang], Dave Perry, [Pete], Pud, Sam, Sarah Ellis, Seth, SFFI (Simon from [Fallen Idle], Sita, Sophie Ellerby, Tash Bradley, Teresa Talbot, Tom Collier, Travis

Unexpected Visitors

Aaron Large, Aaron Warner, Ben Turner, Beth Copping, Burger, Charlie Walker, Claire Tomlinson, Jamie, Matt Rutherford (and friends), Martin Shipman, Richard Shipman, Sarah King, Scott, Sophie Green.

Stolen Items

iPod Belonging to Teresa
Purse Belonging to Teresa
iRiver belonging to Perry
Mobile Phone belonging to Tash (RECOVERED)
Watch Belonging to Aunty Jill
Multiple Spirits Bottles Belonging to my Mother
Small Liqueur Bottles Belonging to my Mother (One found on Ben Turner, one found on Aaron Large)

Thanks

Thanks to all my friends who helped out during the party. Pretty much everyone did what they could to help and that is invaluable. Especially Brett, Chris and Charlotte.

Other Versions of the Story

Fellow bloggers please tell me if you blog about this and I’ll link you here.

Pud’s Version

Epilogue
Aaron Warner went into custody on the 30th.
Dave’s iRiver turned up in the garden- someone had planted it.
Sarah King’s parents found out about the beaning and weren’t impressed.

Knackered - 7:07 pm - 30-12-2005

My party was last night and I need to spend quite a bit of time blogging it, but for now I’m far too tired.

to bean:

the act of throwing beans over objects or people

for example: “Freya’s going to get beaned”

My Christmas Visitor - 9:37 pm - 28-12-2005

Yesterday at approximately 1330 Tash arrived. She came with her mother and father. Her father disappeared to get some stuff from Bingham while her mother chatted to mine. This lasted only 15 minutes before her mother left and we went on a mission to get gas from Bingham (we failed). After returning I showed her around the house. Midway through this [Fenton] arrived and began bullying Tash. I joined in and this lasted for about three hours.

We established (possibly inaccurately) that Tash was:
A goth
A racist
A facist
Stupid
Friendless
Bad at SSBM

During this time we drank some whiskey and a turbo shandy (Smirnoff Ice with beer). John left and we had pizza while watching a film.

The best bit came next. We went downstairs and I watched Tash on Myspace and MSN. This was thrilling. So thrilling that I couldn’t handle much more than 7 years. So I went upstairs and and played Shadow the Hedgehog for the remaining century. Eventually she returned. We watched a crap cop show and went to bed.

This morning I woke up at around 4 o clock. Being an addict, I decided to venture into the kitchen and get (not one but) two glasses of orange juice. I chugged them and returned to my slumbers.

I woke again at 10ish. I went to see if Tash was awake- knocked on her door. She didn’t answer so I assumed she was asleep. I invited Callum and Olly over on MSN and they arrived 20 minutes later.

We played SSBM (of course) while we waited for Tash to finish in the bathroom (took at least 3 days). We then went into town.

We spent an enjoyable hour in Virgin Megastore listening to all the crazy music. (Birthday present idea for March 22nd- Hairbrush Divas.) We then went to GAME and got bored while Callum looked around.

Tash decided she didn’t like games so we went to Ice Nine to buy her mate a present. Tash complained that Nottingham only had 2 goth shops (that I know of) whereas Liverpool has 2 goth shopping centres each with 100 different goth shops. I didn’t care in the slightest, as far as I can see the more goth shops there are the worse the city is.

We went to Starbucks and had a lively conversation.

After a subway we spent an hour wandering the freezing cold city waiting for Maryanne to finish her film. While doing this we met up with Smellerby who was with her sister and cousin. Eventually Maryanne and her mates appeared. They had a picture done and bought some shoes while I hummed to myself. Nothing of interest happened here(except buying a Beach Boys CD and Tash bonding with a fellow smoker).

I became very cold and slightly worried that Tash was planning on spending all night in Nottingham when Sarah and Freya rammed into me. My “friends” walked off thinking that I was just being mugged and I chatted to Sarah and Freya. They told me to ring Tash and tell her we had to go for tea. I rang her and told her we had to go but didn’t bother with the lie. We went home on the bus with plenty of sprinkles of witty comments from me about Sarah.

We then went on MSN some more. I almost clawed my eyes out. So we went out to get a lovely film.

They didn’t have any lovely films so we got “How to lose a guy in 10 days”.

Great.

Tash is a facist. (or fabulous she says)

Douglas Adams - 10:50 pm - 25-12-2005

Douglas Adams (author of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) was born on the 11th of March and died on the 11 of May.

Anyone who has read the book (or seen the film) will know that the number 42 was very significant.

The 42nd Day of the year in the Gregorian Calendar (that’s the standard one that most of the world uses) is the 11th of February.

Hitchhiker has 11 letters.

There’s proof of how easy it is to come up with this shit.

Seasons Greetings - 10:21 pm - 25-12-2005

I hope anyone who is celebrating Christmas, Hanukakh or Kwanzaa today or tomorrow have a great time.

Everyone else, Happy Winterfest.

Phil on Blogroll - 9:03 pm - 23-12-2005

Added Phil. I disagree with him on most of his posts but they are very interesting to read. He puts his views across on things in a non-boring manner. Go him!

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism - 12:33 am - 22-12-2005

WHY YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM

* Flimsy moral standards.
* Every friday is a relgious holiday. If your work/school objects to that, demand your religious beliefs are respected and threaten to call the ACLU.
* Our heaven is WAY better. We’ve got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.

Hattip: http://www.venganza.org

Haircuts for Dummies - 7:33 pm - 20-12-2005

Today I went to get a haircut. I usually go to Mayfair in Bingham but today I went to a salon Glyn recommended: Essensuals.

I arrived two minutes late. I walked in and told the receptionist that I had an appointment. She looked at me blankly for a moment. I then realised that I had to give her my name. She looked in her book and her finger rested on an unintelligible scribble. She read out the number below it and it was indeed my phone number. She asked me to sit down.

I had been sitting down for a few minutes when she came over and asked me if she could take my coat. I thanked her and began removing it. Then just before I had removed my second sleeve I had a sudden thought. What if she steals it? Looking back on it, it does not seem likely but at the time I thought it very possible and refused to give her my coat. She looked slightly confused and returned to her desk.

I sat silently for a couple of minutes. Then I began worrying that I wouldn’t get a hair cut now. Maybe the salon refuses to give people hair cuts when they don’t hand their coats over. Maybe the whole coat thing was a trust exercise.

I was certain that this was the case by the time she came back with a robe. I told her that I had changed my mind and that I would like her to take my coat. She obliged. It looked like I had passed afterall.

I followed her to an empty seat which I assumed I was supposed to sit in. So I did. I sat perfectly still for what seemed like forever. I watched people walk past. There was one male hairdresser and immediately I could tell he was gay. I don’t know why I knew he was gay. He didn’t act very camp at all. I sat thinking about this for a short while, growing more conscious of the time. It was at this point I understood exactly what was happening.

They were getting revenge on me for the coat thing by playing a big joke on me.

I didn’t think that a hairdresser would come see me for at least an hour.

I was wrong. Becky appeared a couple of minutes later and apologised for keeping me waiting. We discussed my hair. She showed me the back of my head in a mirror. I burst out laughing. It looked ridiculous. She showed me a picture in a magazine and we agreed on how she was going to do it. She then asked me to change chairs and disappeared.

I was now in a seat backing a sink. This confused me somewhat. My confusion ended when another girl appeared and began putting a towel around my neck. It turned out that she wasn’t attempting to strangle me. In fact it was quite the opposite, she was going to wash my hair. This was the first time I had ever had my hair washed by someone else (not since I was very very little and my mum did it for me). It was quite weird. I began to wonder if I’d been washing my hair wrong all my life. I spend much less time massaging my scalp.

I was then wizzed back to my previous chair. The girl asked me if I wanted anything to read or a drink. Being offered a drink shocked me somewhat- it was not something I had been expecting. Instinctively I answered no. I thought they would charge me for it. They probably wouldn’t though, would they?

Becky reappeared and began cutting my hair. The man who I knew was gay popped over to say that he was going. Becky looked at the entrance and saw another man. She asked the male hairdresser if he was “the one you’ve told me about”. He smiled and nodded.

A short time after this she finished cutting my hair. She put some “light wax” in my hair which gave it quite a nice effect. I asked her if I could buy some from the salon and she said I could.

We walked back to the reception desk. She asked me if she could leave me with the receptionist. The receptionist didn’t look too scary. And after that nasty coat business had been sorted out she had been very nice. So I agreed. The receptionist got my coat and took my money. I didn’t get the wax, because I was far too scared by this point.

So I left.

FAQ - 12:02 pm - 18-12-2005

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Updates - 11:47 am - 18-12-2005

15/01/2005 Updated The Epic Legend of McAsh’s First Party and
Last Night- My Gathering and
“Get your porn from “Sam’s Face dot Com” ‘cuz I’m pornographic”- Sam
Now includes guest lists.

31/12/2005 Updated Beanin’, Thievin’ and Friskin’ at McAsh’s Fourth
Added an Epilogue

18/12/2005 Updated My Real Friends
The list only includes my real friends who have blogs.