Football - 8:03 pm - 15-06-2006

If you bought a film and went home and watched it and nothing happened for 80 minutes and then everything happened in the last 10 minutes you’d be pretty pissed off right?

Ruhe bitte. Ich spreche. - 10:05 pm - 14-06-2006

Although I haven’t been paying attention to the World Cup I couldn’t help but notice that Germany had beaten Poland and secured Lebensraum at the top of Group A. Interesting.

Winter Wonderland - 4:05 pm - 28-11-2005

I love winter. It’s so exciting to see frozen water falling from the sky. There’s nothing like having your face numbed by the cold. It’s great. It started snowing in maths today. Everyone was really excited including me. I thought to myself: “Is there anything better than frozen testicles?” I couldn’t think of anything.

Some of the kids on the way home were catching snowflakes in their little mouths. I felt I was too old to do this, which was a pity as I love drinking rain water and it’s always good having a cold tongue.

The best thing about winter is all the awesome car crashes. Man, I love it when loads of people die because of icy roads. I wonder why that isn’t in the song by Felix Bernard.

Bah humbug.

EDIT: Car crashes are not funny. I am not a fan of car crashes in any way. Ice sucks.

Open Source - 9:57 am - 18-11-2005

Hey God,

You’ve been outdone! By mere mortals! Mortal programmers have invented “Open Source”. You should have done that, You’d have been famous. Think about it…

Imagine there’s a war. Everyone is praying desperately for You to save them. Sometimes you do but sometimes you just plain don’t have time.

If the universe was open source, any programmer could download the universal code and edit it. Poverty would be destroyed, as would war and disease. Give it a shot.

McAsh

(If you think God should do this please email him at godizcool69@googlemail.com

“Dear God” a handy tip from McAsh - 8:58 pm - 16-11-2005

Dear God,

It’s me again. Just thought I’d send you a message with an awesome thought I had.

You know all those wars we’ve had? And all the times drug gangs have gun fights with each other in public? I don’t want to sound as though I don’t appreciate your work but I don’t think they were great ideas really.

Now wouldn’t the world be a better place if we had more dance offs. Picture it: two rival gangs come face to face in Trafalgar Square. They eye each other up and form parallel lines. They then take it in turns to “show off their moves” to a happy audience of civillians. Different gangs could focus on different styles of dance, some breaking it down with some hip-hop moves, some gracing the pavement with a bit of ballroom and the social elite would jump up and down waving their dyed-black hair around like a wet dog. It would be magnificent!

Better still is war. Is a country pissing you off? Why not send a team of highly trained dancers to “fight” your battles.

“We shall go on to the end, we shall dance in France, we shall dance on the seas and oceans, we shall dance with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall dance on the beaches, we shall dance on the landing grounds, we shall dance in the fields and in the streets, we shall dance in the hills; we shall never surrender,”- Winston Churchill (sort of).

I understand that technically speaking you’ve been on leave since a few Sundays ago but it might be something worth looking into, thanks for your time.

McAsh

This man clearly agrees.